Thursday, June 07, 2007
<< My Darkest 4 Days >>
For some time i've thought about it happenin coz i know it will happen but it juz didnt help... mayb i could have felt worse i suppose but i dont think i felt ok durin this few days... there was alot of mixed feelings during this time... monday and yday was full of anger for me... i felt upset and angered by certain things that happened which i do not want to say here of cause.. some of e closer friends would know or those who haved called me to chat would know....
neway many thanks to my pet... who called me to chat with me on monday & last evening after knowin wat happened... and gave up her time to eat, to accompany me on tuesday, tho eventually we went to eat at e market.... Do you know the route that we took the other day, was in fact the route that my ahgong use to bring me when i was small? Well, guess u didnt know since i didnt tell u that day. But i guess i wouldnt have much chances to walk there now. Thanks for the ugly handwriting as well.. it did comfort me abit when i was home n alone and thinking... Thanks to jiejie who came later on tuesday and who smsed me today to comfort me.... though u dun have time to pei me, u always sms me when u know i'm down.. thanks jiejie...
thanks to xueyan who pei me for lunch yday and chated with me yday afternoon... was in terrible mood yday.. due to some things that happened... but neway glad u dropped by and we could have a small chat and it kept my mind clear for a while...
oh wellz... today wasnt really bad but more of an upset day and the cant let go feeling... everything felt weird.... i thought everything was gonna be okay, but when i saw "him" from on top.... i juz couldnt control myself again.... i tried controlling myself but it juz wouldnt stop drippin... dunno if i was the 1st but my gorpo told me somethings that made me felt slightly better but i juz cant bear to see him gone... it was a very ironic feeling... that i dont really know howda explain... you dun want him to suffer.. yet you cant bear to see him gone...
dis morning when i woke up... i dug out a small old toy that i vaguely remember... think it only costed around twenty cents... but it was my favourite... lastnite i asked my sis if he ever brought her to the market to buy things.. and she said no... i guessed i was the only one who was brought ard whenever i went to his house, since i was small... ahgong would bring me to the market to get things... or downstairs to buy malt candy whenever the old man with the bicycle drops by downstairs... my uncles would always bring me to blk 218 to get ice cream and candies whenever i go there as well... yday, me and my uncle's wife chatted and she said my uncle used to look forward to weekends when i would drop by my ahgong hse when i was small.... guessed it gave them somethg to do and its like the feeling i look forward to, for my little cousins to drop by my hse and i would bring her downstairs to get candies... and play with her... all these little things would then become part of her childhood memories when she grow up ba?
well, i think i need some time to properly accept everything that has happened ba... but i guess i should be ok... thinking abt him makes me upset... but its a part of life i guess.... and life goes on...
Jie crapped at 6:58 PM
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