Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Regrets Regrets Regrets
somehow today we kinda talked abt ahgong.... and how we din go visit him on sundays after we started goin to church... especially me... and it was really suddenly STOPPED..... he muz have missed us.... missed us terribly.... since i used to go every sunday and he wud tell me stuffz... ask me get stuffs from e fridge... get drinks n stuff so we have things to munch when we went.....
regrets terribly how little i accompanied him in the last parts of his life..... and i was even kept in e dark of his condition at first... and wasnt even allowed to go to the nursing home when he passed away, even tho i practically wailed n lose total control of myself dat my mom have to hold me by my cheeks and tell me i cant go and he's old and its only natural he has to leave.... i lost total control n i can vividly remember wat happen tho i dunno how i lose control. sigh.... i gave more time to others than him.... him who loved me the most.... when i was small..... whose hands i held when he brought me to the market near his hse whenever i went there.... and bought lil gacha toys for me... stuff... and the old man downstairs who sells the malt candy..... datz my childhood.... where he holds a great part... even more than anyone else besides my parents....
yet i failed to accompany him except for when he was really drained..... then did i realise i did not have enuf time..... i do tink abt him now and then... and all the anguish i felt when he left abt the other stuff.. the way e undertakers did things.... i felt like bashing them....? and i did not even manage to get a proper last look at him.... and they sealed the casket up.... arghhh....! it made me upset... darn darn upset. its been more than a year already..... i still tink of him frequently even tho i dun say so.... but today we juz kinda started talkin abt him..... me... and my mom..... and it started with an umbrella.... how i miss those lil walks to the market.... well, guess enuf flashbacks for the day i suppose...
tmr's a PH.. gonna have breakfast with my parents coz its been months since i last had 1 with them.. since mon-sun i dun get to eat breakfast w em hm... pathetically sunday as well... eversince my sis married coz i din wan them to wake the same time as me juz to eat with me n drive me to church... i have legs... i dun wan them to specially wake up juz to eat w me... dun wanna deprive my dad of the only day he can sleep in as well.. since i know how terrible it is to wake early everyday.... =/ =/ n boy do i dread it......
made new specs... myopia down.. astigmatism up up up! took a long time to find a suitable one and in fact the lens size gotta custom make also... lol...... took e ger a long time to help me with e stuff.. measure e lens.... den find a frame... checked out oakley ones but dun suit me rahz.... terrible...
too much too furious pc lookin.... time to restrain abit and my router died on my bro lastnite.. lol... seems like i am becomin tech support at work n at hm... =/ errrr... time to go revise my work also... wanted to start at 11 but kinda got delayed... coz suddenly someone came got me thinkin...well, nt abt my ahgong la but abt sm other stuff......
and sometimes i really no like u.......!!!!! bleah. nuf said....
Jie crapped at 11:36 PM
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